this poem is for the pillow clutchers/for those looking into the imaginary eyes of the person who fills their mind with sugarplum smiles/for those who have a cannon of dreams ready and waiting to blossom/for the men and the women who want to be understood in that way that only someone who kisses you can understand you/this poem is for you.

this poem is not for the desperate/the pathetic/the lame/the loser/not for the one who hasn’t gotten laid in awhile/not for the one who says they’re “choosing not to date” for awhile/there is no such thing/this poem is for the people who cannot bring themselves to admit that they would give their right leg for any length of time with the person on their mind.

forgive me/i am not a brave woman/i do not know what lurks in the hearts of humans and i don’t really want to know/if what’s there mirrors memories i show in my face on bad days it holds kisses that are long gone/people who have disappeared/and passions that have faded into the ether of the past/nothing lasts/that is the one lesson this coward can say she is able to teach.

this poem is for all those who wish to say “i’m sorry”/i’m sorry i couldn’t love you/you deserve love/i’m sorry i couldn’t give something to you/you deserve to be given to/i’m sorry that for every person that loves somebody/another person just doesn’t want to/and sometimes we’re the lucky ones/right/we get to feel sweet truth in the night/the bodies we reach out to are miraculously there/but i know the despair that comes when they are not/i know the long nights and the doubt and the fear and that crawling back to a womb that just isn’t there/i know intensity’s address and the letdown that rents there/i’m sorry for it/it takes years off your life and it cannot be avoided.

and some times these little words are crutches for the crush that we feel/so this poem is a pathetic vehicle for me to tell you/each one of you/that i love you/in so many ways/in the same ways that stay up nights and days/dreaming up the perfect way to be there for someone/meals you would cook for them/poems you would write for them and the things you plan to say when they say no/well i love you/and you will never know how in the slight of a magician’s hand we could’ve been lovers and grandly in love/could’ve changed the whole game/written words on the horizon/changed the compromise/but you will know something else instead/bitter as bitter ever gets/more bitter than a rotten peach pit/more bitter than a child’s most terrifying nightmare at night/you will know that i don’t reflect what i see in your eyes/we will share some banal recognition/some cordial understanding but have i mentioned that i love you for being honest/have i mentioned that i love you for not lying/so many people lying all the time/i hate them/so i love you/and you will still go home alone/and that is very hard to do.

for all the humans with love for those who aren’t their lovers/i love you.

and so the poem ends because we know that it will/but before it slips away like everything else/i will attempt the only words i can think of that are a fraction as good as a kiss: when you reach out at night and find not someone/but the cold grey light of day that wakes you up like a slap/like a curse/like an insult/i love you/when you stay at home thinking of those who are long gone or those who are getting kisses from someone that is not you/i love you/for those who want what they probably need and whose bodies are starving not for food/for me and for you and for all the people who never knew or understood what you would do for them/i love you/i love you/i love you.

love poem, by mary fons

Hello, ♡

Its been a rather interesting week at school, to go back during the holidays, when - Mrs Choo pointed out this morning - the rest of the Secondary schoolers in Singapore were all tucked into their beds and slamming the snooze bar on their alarm clocks, lazily going about their day and enjoying their last week of holidays. On the other hand, we MG girls are back in school and daydreaming our heads away, our productivity level in school dropping to about 50% that of our usual, and trying desperately to get out of the holiday mood, and get focused, the Sec 3s to learn things and for our EOYs, and eventually, Os, and the Sec 4s, I suppose, their prelims and their Os? Oh well. Its been a rather good week, and I've been able to get through it, this time, without feeling the way I felt. Which is a good thing.

Basically, today, we had school and I felt really really sleepy. But got through the 5 hours in the end, specially proud of myself for surviving 2hour and 20 minutes of Math with Mrs Tee, which wasn't too exciting. Thank you my darling Keren, for keeping me awake in class with your funny questions and statements. Thank you my lovely recess crew, Chucky, Reenah, Nicole, for the wonderful recesses, and I can't wait until tomorrow. Thank you loveliest, for packing recess for me today. Thank you Wong, Kristin, and other friends for making bits and pieces of my day, and that these are the small things, the wonderful people and the small moments that I should really be grateful of every day of my life.

Went to KAP after school with lovelies, talked about things and effectively got ourselves excited for USS tomorrow. Got home and did a little experiment with my sister, of sorts, on an, we decided, extremely boring boy. I am surrounded by the people that I love so dearly, and these are the people that I constantly thank God for putting in my life, all the time. I love you guys, for helping me get through everyday and making a dry day become so exciting. I want to thank all of you for being so amazing, to my best friends for being such amazingly happy and spazzy people, for always brightening up my day and making school so much more bearable, for never failing to make me laugh, to my sister, I'm so glad I have you, that I still do, thank you because you always listen to me, thank you for being such a lovely and beautiful person, inside and out. To have such wonderful people around me, I really am blessed in every single way ♡

Today was also Ms Wee's last day with us, and the class dwindled at the bit of the greeting "... See you........ Ms Wee". Oh well, its been a really nice half a year, and apart from the desperation in my heart in hopes for getting a good SS teacher next semester, and probably, next year, as well, thank you Ms Wee for all the lessons and teaching us, and sorry for all the times when 3I pisses you off for being too noisy and not listening in class. We watched Hotel Rwanda, it was scary, really scary to see what people did to others just because of racial differences. Again in this aspect, being in Singapore, I am blessed too.

Next Monday during combined Chapel, the Sec 4 SLs will be retiring, and receiving their letters of 'retirement' (according to Ms Ho), and us Sec 3 SLs will be receiving our badges, and our letters of, well, I forgot what it was called, the opposite of retirement? I'm looking forward to that, to being an SL officially, and I'm looking forward, albeit the worry I feel at the bottom of my heart for not being able to commit, to balance my work and prioritize and things like that, to officially being an SL, to serve the school, in hopes that I will, with all the service, be making up also for the times in lower sec when I haven't appreciated MG enough, to be involved in exciting things, and to be able to learn so much more and build stronger bonds with all of my fellow SLs. It's so exciting, and I'm really truly looking forward to that :)

With this, I am going to pack my bag and await my early dinner before leaving for Math tuition. I am in a very reflective and grateful mood right now, and it feels nice.
x

What is your favorite book?
Truthfully, I like all the books I read! But I'd have to say either House Rules or, definitely, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. Both are amazing, albeit being about two entirely different things.

What is your favorite movie?
I loved My Sisters Keeper very much. And 500 days of summer too. Actually, I love all the movies I watch, and I don't see how some of them aren't nice to others hehe.

What is your favorite song?
I change my favourite song pretty often, but right now its Set Fire To The Rain by Adele, I love (:

Who is your hero?
This is a hard question, I'm don't think I have only one hero, just a few amazing role models and one God (:

If you could be any character from literature or film, who would you be?
I'd be Jonas. HAHA. Just kidding, I don't know what happened to him in the end.
I would be... Well I'm not too sure, I'll tell you when I decide hehe.

If you could have one super power, what would it be?
I would love to fly.

If you could have three wishes, what would they be?
1. To be able to have the motivation to study really really hard and do super super well. HEH
2. To be happyyy :)
3. For everyone to love everyone, I presume. That would solve a lot of problems.

What is your favorite color?
I like pastels (:

Who is your best friend?
Well, I have a few? Liz, Reenah, Chucky, Nicole, Stace? :)

How many kids do you want to have when you grow up?
HAHA I haven't decided if I want kids just yet, but if I do, I'd have a girl and a boy/two girls :) OR SOMETHING HAHA.

What are your favorite boy & girl names?
Jacob & Sam.

What is your favorite game?
I have no idea hehe.

Who is your favorite actor?
I don't have a favourite actor, because I don't like... You know.. HAHA.

Who is your favorite actress?
I don't have a favourite one either.
I think all actresses and actors are good in their own ways. (Well, not all of them are good, but most of them I'm sure)

What was your first word?
I have no idea.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to have a degree + Masters in medicine and hopefully, help cancer patients or be a kid doctor, something along those lines.
Well I have alternatives, just that that up there ^ is my preference (:

Where do you want to go to college?
I have no idea.

What are you good at?
That's a good question. I'm good at EATING hehehe, I can swim? I did alright for my 2.4, and academically, I'm good at Chem and Bio and History (sort of) That is about all. (:

What is your favorite city in the world?
Singapore's nice (:
I don't know, really.

What is your favorite food?
Jaaaaaap.

Reading or Writing?
Reading! :)

TV or Sports?
I'm going to be a lazy pig and go with TV.
I am not athletically inclined in any way.

Theatre or Cinema?
Cinema?

What is your favorite time of year?
I have no idea, I think it'd be somewhere in the beginning of the year?

What do you call your grandmother?
Ahma/Mama :)

Do you have any nicknames?
Sure. Ed. Eds. Boob. HAHA.

If you could be any animal, which would you be?
Omg I'd be a unicorn then I'd be able to live in a magical faraway land with other unicorns and be all happy and unicorny (CORNY!) together. :)

What is your favorite subject in school?
I love History. Hands down.

Who is your favorite teacher?
Mrs Lau. Duuuhhhhhhh hellooooo ~~~ HAHAHAHA.

How many friends do you have on myspace?
I do not have myspace HAHA.

How many of those people do you actually talk to?
-

What is your favorite type of music?
i have no idea, I like a various music genres (:

What is your earliest memory?
I can't remember ): HAHAHA.

Do you think there is life after death?
In heaven, with God (L)

Do you believe in miracles?
Definitely.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
;)

Do you believe that everyone has a purpose? If so, what is yours?
Definitely, God gave us each a unique purpose! (:
I have yet to find out :)

What is your favorite hobby?
Uh. Studying la HAHA.

What is the last book you read?
The Chrysalids, John Wyndham.

Did you enjoy it?
Uhmmmm HAHAHA.
To tell the truth its not bad la, just that I don't feel motivated to read a book when its given to me for academic purposes.

What is the last movie you saw?
Diary of A Wimpy Kid 2 :)

Did you enjoy it?
It was really cute, but I was really distracted and I couldn't concentrate on it.

Earrings of Bracelets?
Bracelets, seeing as I have no ear holes (:

Jeans or Skirts?
Skirtssss.

Do you collect anything?
Textbooks and notes HAHAHA nerd

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I want a cute mixed blood ABC/American-Chinese boyfriend and I'd love to be studying medicine and doing a part time job helping kids or something :)

…In 20 years?
A doctor, with a nice little house married to said angmohchinese boyfriend and really really happy and close to God :)

…In 50 years?
Travelling the world with my loved ones and being all happy and retired.

What is your favorite restaurant?
I don't know.. Sushi Tei??? :)

What is your fondest memory?
I don't know, I treasure all my memories. So they're all my fondests.
But today we went to LT2 for SS, and I couldn't help but do one of my spastic dances and smiling so wide, I love PW & Mrs Lau & Liz.

What gives you the most joy?
Being with the people I love.

If you could visit any country, where would you go?
New York (country = America HAHA) or Japan :)

What is one of your dreams/goals?
TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE.

Have you ever failed a class?
Yup, Higher Chinese in P5, I was so devastated because I have never failed before, and my score for this particular test was 49. Gg to life.

Have you ever gotten a 100 in a class?
I used to get 100s all the time for Chinese (IMAGINE THAT) in lower primary (:

Do you have any scars? How did you get them?
Yup! Oh, I fell down while on my heelies in the Istana hehe.

Have you ever been to the hospital?
Not exactly. Well, KK hospital? :)

Have you ever stayed up all night?
ONCE!
During the last night of Camp Radical, having HTHTs with Leen :')

Do you cook anything well?
Uh. No. HAHAHAHHA.

What was the last thing you did to help someone?
Did my brother a hugeass favour by buying stationery that he needed tomorrow for him -____-

Going to bed now, USS tomorrow with BFFLs, SO EXCITED and so tired from the whole week in school!
x